


An Adventure!

by truc



Series: What are friends for? [2]
Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Justice League - All Media Types, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Superman/Batman (Comics)
Genre: Bruce has better things to do, Bruce is not impressed, Clark is a nerd, Fluff, Gen, Monty Python and the Holy Grail - Freeform, Passing the bridge, answering questions, clark is a dork, land of imagination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 23:16:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15673275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truc/pseuds/truc
Summary: Superman found a suspicious portal in which he finds the world of the Monty Python and the Holy Grail. He brings a grumpy Batman along to cross the Bridge of Death. Batman is not amused.





	An Adventure!

**Author's Note:**

> This series is one-shots about Bruce's and Clark's friendship. They are not placed in chronogical order.

Bruce folds his arms, "NO."

"Come on, Bruce, it's adventure time! This is going to be fun!"

"NO."

"It's a classic. Even you have got to have seen it!"

Bruce lifts an eyebrow, "We fight supervillains with an array of powers on the daily basis and stop the end of the world on a monthly basis. We are not going into an unknown world to look for trouble when we can simply close the portal. It's simply stupid."

Superman pouts petulantly. Bruce thinks none of those three words should ever go in the same sentence.

"Pretty please? I'll stop bothering you for useless things for a week," Clark promises. He must be getting desperate, Bruce thinks, if he promises to stop bothering him. But, then again, why is he always bothering him and not Barry, Arthur, Diana, Hal or J'onn?

He looks at Superman's pleading expression and thinks over the past week's events. A young family died brutally under his watch two days ago. They had a baby and a toddler.

Clark must be broken if Batman is the thing that cheers him up.

Batman looks at the pile of reports waiting for him and looks back at Superman's puppy eyes. The sacrifices he must do for a good cause... 

"Fine. Let's go on your stupid adventure and get it over with. But only for no more than an hour and you will leave me alone for the rest of the week."

"Yesh! You're the best, B!," Superman places the man against his chest despite the other's protest and flies them away into the portal without heeding Bruce's complaints.

Superman sets Batman on the ground.

He sees the bridge and glares at Superman, "The bridge of Death? We face death every other day, why would we seek it for fun?"

Superman goes into full nerd mode: gesturing frantically and speaking excitingly, "That's the height of British comedy, you know. The riddles. The morbid humour. The bringing of the swallow and the seemingly useless facts from the start of the story... The delivery... Everything in this scene is just so perfect. This is the moment Monthy Python and the Holy Grail was elevated to the status of a classic."

"You can just fly over it!"

Superman shakes his head in disappointment, "That's not the point! I can always fly. I want to pass the bridge of Death by answering the three questions."

"Have fun."

Superman pulls him behind by his cowl, "You are coming too."

Just as Superman walks on the bridge, the keeper apostrophised them, "Stop! Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he sees."

Superman gushes at the words, "Wow, this feels exactly like the movie! The keeper looks so pathetic in real life, though... B, how does he eat and sleep if he must guard this bridge?"

Batman huffs, "He probably feeds on the energy of the people getting cast into the Gorge of Death. It's magic. It doesn't really have to make sense."

Superman frowns at Batman,"Are you pretending you haven't watched the movie? It's the Gorge of Eternal Peril, not Death."

The keeper coughs, "Are you planning on crossing or are you just going to keep talking?"

"I'm crossing!" Superman lifts his hand like a child waiting to be picked to answer a teacher's questions. He straightens his back and assumes a voice similar to Lancelot's, "Ask me the questions, bridge-keeper. I'm not afraid." The intimidating effect is somewhat lost when he starts giggling like a little girl around her first crush.

"What is your favourite colour?"

"Red!"

"What is your name?"

Superman can feel Batman glaring at the back of his head, probably to remind him Superman should not answer with his real civilian name as that would be foolish.

"Kal El!"

"What is your quest?"

Superman searches for the right wording, "I seek to live a full and meaningful life, filled with happiness and love."

The keeper looks at him for a moment and says, "Right. Off you go." Superman gives him a bright smile and a polite, "Thanks for your time. Have a nice day."

"Come on Batman! Now, it's your time to come on!"

His friend glares at him, "I hate answering other people's questions. I already have a villain who likes to give me riddles."

"Are you scared of the Gorge of Eternal Peril? Don't worry, I'll catch you if you fail!"

"I don't fail."

"Then, what are you scared of, B? That you are less clever than me?" Superman taunts him from the other side of the bridge.

Batman sighs and steps on the bridge.

"Stop! Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he sees."

Batman crosses his arms in impatience.

"What is your favourite colour?"

"Blue."

"What is your quest?"

Without a beat, Bruce answers, "I have a Mission I have to fulfill."

The other man simply stares at him as if he wasn't sure this was a sufficient answer or not before asking his last question, "What is your name?"

"I'm Batman."

"...But, that's not a real name, right?"

"The bridge is not casting me out, so, that must mean I answered your questions correctly," Batman simply remarks.

The man nods in resignation, "Off you go, then."

"If I may suggest," Batman says as he passes the other man, "You may want to add some other questions in the mix to confuse the ones crossing this bridge."

The man nods with enthusiasm this time.

"B!" Clark Kent exclaims as Bruce find him on the other side of the bridge.

"What?"

"It's your fault Robin dies," Superman explains. Bruce freezes.

Superman blinks and understands what kind of misunderstanding his friend has, "Not Dick! This world's Robin the brave! You know, the guy who comes after Lancelot? The keeper asks what is the capital of Assyria instead of his favourite colour. It's all your fault."

Bruce relaxes, "But I also defeat the keeper. It's because he is switching questions he gets cast into the Gorge."

"Someone dies!"

Bruce raises an eyebrow, "There are no stakes in this world and you know it. From what I saw, the rest of the world is forests, deserts and oceans."

Superman relaxes at that, "Oh."

"We finished your adventure. Let's get back."

Superman hugs a relatively grumpy bat, "Thanks for coming! This was fun!" and carries them back into the Batcave.

"Now, leave me alone," Batman says as he pushes Superman back and sits in his chair.

"See you later!" With that, Superman is gone.

"You had fun, Master Bruce?"

Bruce takes his cowl off, "No. He forced me to cross the bridge of Death from Monty Python."

"I seem to remember you liking that movie, Master Bruce," Alfred smiles with his eyes.

"I just watched it because Dick wanted to."

"If that's what you say, Master Bruce," the butler sasses back.

***

"Ma, Bruce's favourite colour is blue."

"Thanks, Clark. I can finally start knitting his Christmas sweater."


End file.
